I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
