Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
