i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
