Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
