Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
