Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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