you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
