just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
