I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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