Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
