also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
