Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
