My hand turned me down
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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