So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
