I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
