Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
