Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
