Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
