Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
