Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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