I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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