dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm bleeding and have questions
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
