my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
