Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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