I think I died a long time ago.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
