i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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