So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
