community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
