did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
