my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
