Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
