Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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