My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
