She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
