My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
