The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
third nipple confirmed
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
