I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
