this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
