Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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