ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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