I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
