I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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