I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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