Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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