So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My dad is sitting where you rode me
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
