Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
