we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
