im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
this hospital has no fireball
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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