I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
