I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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