onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
