I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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