Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
